When your child is in the middle of a meltdown, the best thing you can do is stay calm, validate their feelings, and let them know you’re there. It might feel natural to ask them to stop or reason with them, but that can actually make things worse. Instead, focus on helping them feel safe and supported while they work through those big emotions.
It’s hard to see your child struggle with big feelings. Meltdowns can leave everyone feeling overwhelmed, but with patience and understanding, there are ways to help your child cope.
Tantrums vs. meltdown: What's the difference?
The words tantrum and meltdown are often used interchangeably, but they’re not the same. Understanding the difference can help you support your child in the right way.
A tantrum is usually goal-oriented. It’s when a child shows certain behaviors to get something in return. In most cases, they still have some level of control and can respond to reasoning or redirection.
A meltdown, on the other hand, happens when a child feels completely overwhelmed. It’s a loss of emotional control that can be caused by sensory overload, stress, frustration, or strong emotions. This makes it hard for the child to process what you’re saying. They usually need time, a safe place, and support to calm their body and mind.
Why does my child have meltdowns?
Children experience meltdowns for many reasons. Conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, or autism can make it harder for them to regulate their emotions.
Meltdowns can also happen when kids don’t have the language or coping skills to express what they’re feeling. When they can’t find the right words to ask for help or explain what’s wrong, the emotions can build up until they can’t control them anymore.
It’s important to remember that meltdowns are normal. They’re part of how kids learn to regulate their feelings. With the right tools and support, you can help your child build stronger coping skills over time.
What should I say and avoid saying during a meltdown?
When your child is upset, how you respond really matters, and understanding what’s happening in their brain during a meltdown can help.
When a meltdown occurs, the emotional part of the brain, the amygdala, takes over and acts like an alert system for strong emotions. It overrides the reasoning part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, making it hard for your child to listen, process information, and follow directions.
That’s why connection matters more than correcting their behavior in the moment.
If your child is having a meltdown, try using these calming phrases to help them:
1. validate their feelings
Instead of saying: “Calm down.”
Try: “I can see you’re really upset. It’s okay to feel that way.”
2. make them feel safe and secure
Instead of saying: “You’re fine.”
Try: “I’m here for you. You’re safe.”
3. show patience and support
Instead of saying: “Stop doing that.”
Try: “I’m going to sit here with you. We’ll figure it out together when you’re ready.”
4. offer comfort
Instead of saying: “Stop crying.”
Try: “This feels really hard. Let’s try taking a little break.”
5. model healthy coping skills
Instead of saying: “You’re making me sad.”
Try: “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
How can I regulate my own emotions when my child is upset?
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed when your child is having a meltdown. You’re human, too.
When emotions run high, try these simple grounding techniques:
- Pause and take a few deep breaths to steady yourself.
- Ground yourself in the moment by planting your feet on the floor or focusing on a calming object.
- Use self-talk to remind yourself that you’re safe and your child is safe.
- If you need a short break, call a trusted friend or family member for support so you can step away and gather yourself.
When should I consider getting extra support?
If meltdowns are happening daily, if you suspect they may be linked to an underlying condition, or if your child could be at risk of harming themselves or others, it may be time to seek additional support.
At
McHur Care, our team is trained to support children through emotional, behavioral, and developmental challenges.
Our team of qualified mental health professionals works with each child to build coping skills, emotional regulation, and confidence, all in a compassionate, judgment-free environment.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. We’re here for you.